Q.Good day, Last year July my husband started an affair with one of his first girlfriends who lives in the UK, is married and has a 13yr old child. They started messaging on facebook, then I found out. Then it went to emails and I found out that too, then it went to bbm messaging and whats app. It got so bad that they were sending each other nude photos and erotic messages. He thought he was doing nothing wrong. He said that he loves me and that he would never leave me as she is millions of miles away. But it changed him completely that he never hardly spoke to me, never played with our 4 year old and even used to send her messages when he was home. He works away for 2 weeks at a time. I put a stop to it and told her that I would tell her husband if it did not stop and she admitted that it had gone too far as they were living in the past. The only problem is I am still checking his phones and constantly doubting him. How long will it continue like this? He got very upset when I would find out things. I think it is because he was caught out. He even went to the extent that he told her he loves her and cannot live a day without talking to her.
A.If he really thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with this sexual flirting with a married woman, have you asked him how he would feel if you took up a torrid cyber-flirt with an old boy-friend of yours, exchanging nude pictures and so on ? Would he find that equally blameless and splendid?
Does he think it’s fine merely because he doesn’t actually plan to physically leave you, when visa requirements and her husband probably make that impossible anyway?
He is being over-dramatic when he talks about being unable to live a day without talking to her : he’ll probably survive that. But why haven’t the pair of you engaged seriously and sincerely in expert marriage counselling, to better understand yourselves and each other, and see what,if anything, could be sorted out?