Constance van Niekerk in Vereeniging, SA
A woman knows when she is loved, when she is needed, when she is being lied to, used and abused. Every woman in the depths of her heart knows when she must be staying or packing her bags.
Why then are the women staying when it is as clear as day that they should be walking away? Why are there women in abusive relationships, you may well ask. Well, it’s simple. Women love too much, so they give the man a chance to change in the name of love. She always tries to fix things, always tries talking to the man. The man may call her several things, the favourite being ’insecure’. At times I wonder if men really know the meaning of the word. Other favourites are, ’nagging’, ‘desperate’ and ’bothersome’.
Often he snaps, “Stop complaining!”. He never tries to reassure her or to comfort her and never promises to compromise or make things right. Instead, he feels agitated, suffocated and annoyed and every attempt she makes to fix their relationship falls flat on its face. Yet there’s no denying it’s a good thing when she wants to talk things over. It means that she still loves her man and is willing to mend the relationship. In the next stage, she stays just to see how far he is going to go with his intransigence. She is, at this point, basically, asking herself, “How stupid does he think I am?”
Eventually, she stops talking or trying to, and stops bothering’ the man. Imagine an elastic band that is overstretched way too many times. What happens to it after a period? It loses its elasticity. It simply ceases to stretch. So, remember the elastic band every time you try her patience, take her for granted or mistake her silence and kindness for stupidity.
Every woman has her breaking point. Some can take stretching even way after the elasticity is gone, but one day the band just suddenly gives in and breaks. She may stick around long after the fire is extinguished, but sooner or later she reaches the danger zone’, the boiling point, the point of enough is enough’. This is why no other person can convince a woman to leave her spouse no matter how abusive he is. But, once the woman has reached her breaking point, there is no way you can convince her to stay. Just as R. Kelly says in his song, When a Woman’s Fed Up’, when a woman’s fed up (no matter how you beg, no) it ain’t nothing you can do about it… you can cry a river till an ocean starts to form…’ This is a special destination that every woman is capable of reaching. If you’re a woman you can only reach this decisive point when you have really had enough, when you are fed up. If you keep tolerating someone else’s nonsense, you have not yet had enough. If you keep running back to the same man who insults you, disrespects you and does not appreciate you, you simply have not yet reached the breaking point. A woman who has reached this stage walks away resolutely from anyone who causes her pain and she keeps walking and never looks back.
She may endure a love-less relationship. A relationship where she is never referred to as ’baby’, ‘honey’, ’sweetheart’ or the ever popular ’bae’ and ’bubu’, but always called by her full name, a relationship where she has not been introduced to not even one of his friends or relatives, she may not even know where he lives! She may tolerate unanswered calls, un-replied messages, broken promises and lies. She just has not reached her breaking point, yet, but, like a dormant volcano, she will erupt one day. And when she finally does, she walks out and away for good. She does not, after that, think of you or spend a second of her time missing you. On the other hand, you will miss her terribly with each passing day. Believe you me, you will, because every woman is different. You will never find another woman with such an enduring spirit as hers.
Woe unto the men who meet this woman soon after she has erupted; hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! You may call her ‘bitter’ or even ‘a crazy bitch’ (excuse my French). She ain’t crazy, or bitter. She is, mad as hell!